High achievers often perform well in the room. But what remains when the room is over?
This week, I attended Handelsbanken’s annual corporate event for clients at Lancaster Castle.
It was a fitting setting. Lancaster Castle is not a neutral place. It carries history, weight and permanence. There is something about standing in a place like that which reminds you that the issues filling today’s diary are rarely as permanent as they feel in the moment.
The evening was relaxed but formal. Jackets, wine, canapés, conversation. I had been invited by Luke Finlay, and Martin Björnberg, Handelsbanken UK’s Chief Financial Officer, gave the economic update.
What struck me was the tone.
Martin spoke with optimism about the global economy and the UK economy. Not blind optimism. Not a polished line that ignored the obvious pressures. More measured than that. There would be bumps, he suggested, but not mountains. The mood was cautious, but only with a small “c”. Longer term, the message was optimistic.
That was refreshing.
Because after writing recently about decision fatigue, constant availability and the way everything can start to feel urgent at senior level, it was good to be in a room where the tone was not panic. It was serious, commercial and grounded. But still optimistic.
That matters in leadership.
A leader’s tone can either amplify anxiety or create steadiness. It can turn every bump into a mountain, or help people see that some challenges are real but still manageable. In a way, it links to the recent blog on ‘urgency’.
The moment that stayed with me
Part way through the evening, my wife messaged.
She had expected to be working late. I had expected to be late too. That was why we had already arranged childcare. But she had managed to finish just early enough to come and join me for a glass of wine at the event.
It was a small thing. But it stayed with me.
I love it when Rachel comes to these events. I am proud of her. She is more introverted than I am, and networking is not naturally comfortable for her, but she makes the effort. And when people ask about what she does, her face changes. She lights up. People find her interesting because she is interesting.
So there was something quietly grounding about introducing her to people, helping her feel relaxed, and sharing that part of the evening with her.
Afterwards, we went for pizza.
Not just anywhere.
We went back to the restaurant where I had taken Rachel on our first official date, 24 years earlier. Not 24 years to the day,but 24 years this year, and it was wonderful strolling through the streets of the historic city of Lancaster.
Slightly embarrassingly, it was the first time we had been back (together).
By the time Rachel arrived at the event, it was already around 8 or 8.30pm. By the time we got to the restaurant, it was late enough that normally we would probably have gone home, checked the children were settled, and gone to bed.
But the childcare was already in place.
A small window had opened.
So we used it.
By 9.30pm, we more or less had the restaurant to ourselves.
It was not grand. It was not complicated. It was simply a quiet evening in a familiar place that had become unfamiliar through the passing of time.
And perhaps that is why it landed.
Because leadership is not just about what you achieve in the room.
It is also about what remains afterwards.
The Ironman lesson
I have learned this in endurance sport as well as in business.
In an Ironman, you swim nearly four kilometres, cycle 180 kilometres, and then still have to run a marathon.
Many athletes make the same mistake in their first Ironman. They put too much into the swim. Then even more into the bike. Then they arrive at the run and discover they have almost nothing left.
In a sprint triathlon, you might get away with that.
In an Olympic distance race, you will probably get found out.
But in an Ironman, there is nowhere to hide. A marathon is a serious event by itself. Many people spend months preparing just to run 42.2 kilometres. In Ironman, you start that marathon after the swim and bike have already taken a huge amount from you. I know the mistake…. I made it in my first Ironman.
Leadership can work in a similar way.
You can be sharp in the meeting, visible at the event, calm under pressure, impressive in the conversation and available to everyone who needs you.
But if that takes everything, what is left afterwards?
That is not a soft work-life balance question.
It is a serious leadership question.
Because the cost of being constantly switched on does not always show up in performance first. Often, it shows up later. In patience. In judgement. In recovery. In health. In family life. In the ability to be present when the formal work is over.
Ambition has an invoice
I know this because I have lived a version of it.
In my twenties, I worked 80-hour weeks easily. I was young, keen, ambitious and determined to climb the ladder. I was already a father, and I used to take half a day off on a Friday afternoon to spend time with my eldest daughter.
At the time, I probably thought that proved I was balancing things.
Looking back, I can see it more clearly.
My presence at home was not really there.
I was putting almost everything into the day job. The energy. The attention. The ambition. The best of me. I thought that was the price of progression.
But there is only so much absence people will absorb before something breaks.
One day, you come home and they have gone.
At the time, it feels like a shock. Later, with enough honesty, you realise it was not really a shock at all….. You were not there in the first place.
That is not a comfortable sentence to write. But it is an important one.
Because many high achievers do not lose themselves in one dramatic moment. They lose the margins first. Then the patience. Then the recovery. Then the small moments. Then, sometimes, the relationships they assumed would tolerate the cost.
Ambition is not the problem.
I would not be credible making that argument.
Ambition has shaped much of my life. It has taken me from the shop floor to senior commercial leadership. It has helped me build businesses, take on endurance challenges, change career and create something of my own.
But ambition without awareness can become extraction.
It takes from your body. Then your patience. Then your judgement. Then the people closest to you.
That is the leadership cost many high achievers do not calculate early enough.
They ask, “Did I perform well?”
They do not always ask, “What did that performance leave behind?”
The evidence behind the experience
This is not just personal reflection.
Harvard Business Review has written about the risk of burning out high performers, particularly because capable people often attract more responsibility precisely because they can handle it. That has been one of the recurring patterns I have seen in leadership, coaching and business.
The people who can absorb more often do absorb more.
The people who stay calm under pressure often become the pressure container for everyone else.
The people who can “just sort it” eventually become the default solution.
Research also supports the importance of recovery. Studies published through BMJ-linked journals have shown that chronic workload during the day and evening is associated with psychological fatigue, physical fatigue and sleep problems, especially when recovery opportunities are not taken during the working day.
In healthcare, the evidence is particularly sobering. BMJ and Lancet research has linked physician burnout with poorer organisational sustainability, professional function and patient-care risks. That matters because many of the doctors I speak to are not lacking capability. They are operating inside systems where the recovery margin has been compressed for too long.
The same principle applies in law, business ownership and senior leadership.
When recovery disappears, judgement eventually pays.
When everything is urgent, clarity narrows.
When availability becomes constant, presence becomes fragmented.
The room is not the whole race
That evening at Lancaster Castle was a good one.
A serious room. Good conversations. A welcome note of optimism about the economy. Useful introductions. A chance to listen, learn and be part of the local business community.
But the moment I remember most came afterwards.
Rachel arriving for one glass of wine.
Watching her make the effort to network even though it is not naturally comfortable for her.
Going back to the restaurant from our first date. Having the place to ourselves.
Realising that a small window had opened, and this time, we did not waste it.
That is the point.
Leadership is not just about performance in the room.
The room matters. Of course it does.
Meetings matter. Clients matter. Events matter. Decisions matter. Commercial pressure matters. Showing up well matters.
But the room is not the whole race.
There is still the drive home. The conversation afterwards. The family waiting. The decision tomorrow. The health you are borrowing from. The patience your children experience. The relationship that notices whether the best of you is always spent elsewhere.
This is why high achievers need to think more seriously about what remains.
Not because they should become less ambitious.
Because ambition is too valuable to be spent carelessly.
Closing thought
The question is not simply whether you can perform.
Most high achievers can.
They can deliver in the room. Carry pressure. Make decisions. Network well. Keep moving. Look composed. Stay useful.
The better question is what that performance leaves behind.
- Does it leave clarity or depletion?
- Does it leave steadiness or irritability?
- Does it leave recovery or damage?
- Does it leave enough of you for the people and responsibilities that come after the formal work is over?
Because leadership is not just about what you achieve in the room.
It is about what remains afterwards.
References and further reading
Harvard Business Review. “How Are You Protecting Your High Performers from Burnout?”
https://hbr.org/2018/06/how-are-you-protecting-your-high-performers-from-burnout
Harvard Business Review. “Don’t Make Important Decisions Late in the Day.”
https://hbr.org/2016/02/dont-make-important-decisions-late-in-the-day
Harvard Business Review. “Leading Is Emotionally Draining. Here’s How to Recover.”
https://hbr.org/2025/07/leading-is-emotionally-draining-heres-how-to-recover
Cropley, M. et al. “The effects of chronic internal and external workload on health.” Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health / BMJ.
https://jech.bmj.com/content/74/11/919
Hodkinson, A. et al. “Associations of physician burnout with career engagement and quality of patient care.” BMJ.
https://www.bmj.com/content/378/bmj-2022-070442
West, C. P. et al. “Interventions to prevent and reduce physician burnout: a systematic review and meta-analysis.” The Lancet.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27692469/
Pedersen, A. F. et al. “Burnout, coping strategies and help-seeking in general practitioners.” BMJ Open.
https://bmjopen.bmj.com/content/12/2/e051867
I’m Laurence Loxam and I’ve pushed limits in business, on mountains, and at the finish line.
Now I help elite professionals do the same, pushing past the point most people stop.
I coach doctors, lawyers, CEOs and founders who’ve hit success, but still feel there’s more.
Together, we unlock clarity, sharpen confidence, and lead with conviction.
Ready for your next leadership breakthrough? Let’s connect.
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